Finding Social Outlets

Can we talk about how difficult it is to find people to socialize with outside of work as adults? My husband and I moved to Massachusetts last year and have had quite the time trying to find groups to socialize with. Sure, I could go to a bar and meet people there if I wanted to, but I drink so rarely that it’s not my scene. On top of that, while my ears are not as sensitive as they once were, as I can be in the loud atmosphere of a bar for a little bit and be fine, it can still be overstimulating. This got me thinking: what do neurodivergent people do to socialize? I know many of us prefer solitude sometimes, but I do feel the want and need to socialize with people outside of my family unit. As I learned within the last year, it can be difficult to get started sometimes.

Many groups are virtual, which is fine for those who want that experience. If you want a virtual group, it is as simple as going to Google and typing in what you’re looking for. You’re likely to find it. I’m certain there are some groups geared towards neurodiversity if that’s what you’re looking for. I know the Society for Neurodiversity has Peer Support Groups available online, though I can’t speak to how good they are or not. I know there’s a neurodiversity subreddit on Reddit where people can have discourse. However, not every person thrives in an online environment. Some people want that in-person component, even though it can be hard at times. To find in-person things to do; to go meet and socialize with people or to do an activity with others, is hard as an adult.

To meet people outside of online communities, my husband and I explored options. We found an app called Meetup, which is free to download on iOS and Android. My husband has found it useful to find social outlets that don’t necessarily involve drinking. Through this app, he found a group that plays chess once a week and an online group of gamers that focus on playing Nintendo games with one another. This app helped him a lot. I cannot say this app helped me all that much, mostly because my interests are not the same as my husband’s. While I do like playing Nintendo games, I play a lot of single-player games, saving the multiplayer games for when I’m with my husband or my siblings. On top of that, I don’t understand chess. I’ve never played the game, and while I could learn, it’s not something I’m interested in taking the time to learn. I take comfort in knowing that this app has worked for him to find social outlets.

Since this app didn’t exactly work out for me, I started thinking about what adults I know have done to find people. My in-laws, for example, found a home within their Orthodox community. Both have been active in their church for years and are good friends with several members of their church community. This has worked for them. Another example I can point to is my parents. We had a small community of friends within our Catholic Church and did aid in the setup and execution of some church events. My mom has been an active member of her church’s grief group, helping to run it after she went through it herself as an attendee when my father passed away. This gives her a social outlet. When he was alive, my father turned to choruses he found within the Barbershop Harmony Society (BHS), as he loved singing in the barbershop style.

It was thinking about my father that I finally had an idea. I decided to try searching for choruses near me. I’ve been singing in various choirs since I was 9 years old and have always enjoyed my experience with them. I thought that maybe I could find something if I searched hard enough. Eventually, I found a website with choruses within my region. I managed to narrow them down based on evenings my husband wasn’t at work and auditioned for one within BHS called VocaMotion. After what I consider to be an okay audition on my part, they accepted me into the chorus and I’ve been singing with them ever since. I’ve been attending rehearsals for several months now and have sung publicly with them a few times. They are a delightful group of treble singers and I’m so blessed to be a part of such a wonderful, supportive group. They have truly inspired me to sing at a higher level than I’m used to, as well as having fun along the way. Barbershoppers are truly some of the best people on this planet.

This whole experience taught me something vital: it’s not easy to find a group for adults, but it’s not impossible either. It may take some time and effort, but if you look hard enough, you’re sure to find something. I’m grateful that I found this chorus and am looking forward to singing with them in the future.